What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 02:56
But it wasn’t much.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We all went to grammer schools
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Can Make Anyone Look Bad - Defector
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It was going to be , some day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
At what point did you realize it was the right time to leave your job?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Does whey protein affect the kidneys?
I was very sick at this time too.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One cannot live in the past .
Is it okay for me to wear girls’ underwear?
Ive learnt so much.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I couldn’t, believe it.
How do I explain to my husband that my 19-year-old son has accidentally gotten me pregnant?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Reports: Bills RB James Cook ‘won’t be in Buffalo anytime soon’ - Buffalo Rumblings
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I never cut or harmed myself..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Guy Hears Cries During Hailstorm — Then Saves An Entire Family - The Dodo - For Animal People
(And it was in our own minds.)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Universal embezzlers naturally emerge in critical fermion systems, study finds - Phys.org
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
United States roster at 2026 Olympics will differ from 4 Nations Face-Off, GM says - NHL.com
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
All the time i was locked up.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I will be 64.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My family never makes their pension either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was in good health!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What did i know ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I think the readers, may guess!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Comes on , in middle age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I waited trembling.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
I don,t even have a pension.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was scared of men, in general
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She married twice! .
Put me off passion for life!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
This is soul school!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She loved him until the end.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She found it foreign!.
She wouldn,t have been !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So, i spoilt her more .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When she asked me how she looked .
I write beautiful poetry .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He knew the spot.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I said to her
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Im still living with it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And i lived it daily.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
So whats the point in blame.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was 9 years of age.
Who then, do I blame.?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My life is so biszare .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was seconnd youngest,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was dying to do it , i knew.